Last updated 19/12/13
My twin soul journey started when I was 19 years old and seemingly out of no-where an intense soul connection
entered my life and everything I once thought to be true about life was turned upside down in an instant. To say that it was a very distressing time for me is an understatement. I felt confused and very alone because no-one else around me seemed to understand what we were going through and like many in this situation, others thought we were deluding ourselves and being silly.
I couldn't understand why we “recognised” each other and felt such intense love almost instantaneously but at
the same time such huge fear overshadowed us and there was such great resistance between us. I couldn't understand why it felt like the universe had brought us together and kept throwing us in each others paths even when we tried to run away from it. I was confused and didn't know if we were meant to end up together. I thought that if we kept being thrown back together by the universe, then we must have been meant for each other. Of course everyone around us thought that was a crazy notion.
I felt petrified when I loved him so much but didn’t actually like him as a person. I thought it was crazy because I didn't actually know him well in the physical – there was so much pushing each other away.
My spiritual awakening started happening – another thing that petrified me. I began to see deep down that some of the most real things in life were those that I couldn’t see with the naked eye. But I was too scared to believe in what I felt and knew to be true in my heart, so I carried on for years in great pain, convincing myself I was crazy and it was all in my head.
But I knew in my heart that what we felt for each other amongst all the chaos, pain and fighting was real. In fact it was the most real thing about my life. But I didn’t have a logical explanation for it, so I blamed it on “obsession” and “weakness”. For however much we tried to push each other away out of fear, we always came back together by this feeling of massive magnetism. It was like I physically couldn’t help but be pulled to him, even if my ego wanted to cut all ties. But, what I didn’t realise then is that this pain wasn't going to go away until I did my work on loving and healing myself.
I kept expecting him to come into my physical life and for him to fill in the inner voids that really this connection
was showing me I needed to fill in myself. It was all a lesson in accepting oneself and others unconditionally. However, I realised that loving intense soul connections unconditionally does not mean letting them treat you in any way they like or putting yourself on the line to be hurt over and over again. I learned that unconditional love does not mean becoming a doormat or putting your life on hold, moulding yourself to try and be what you think the other person wants or what you think "God" wants for you to be "perfect" enough for "union" to occur.
I learned that the union that is meant to happen is with SELF. To see the mirror of yourself in the other and see what needs working on within to make yourself happy and whole without waiting for another to fill in any voids.
Any voids I had within that I was expecting him to fill only kept reflecting back to me telling me to "do my work!" but not so I could "unite" with him (because that is to believe one cannot be whole in oneself) but to unite with myself, my soul self beyond the illusions of this earth, of my own ego.
Because he was a mirror (not the ONLY mirror, because we all have many) of my soul, I had to learn how to accept that mirror image I saw in him and come to love myself through those feelings of intense vulnerability. He
also had to do the same. But obviously it's going to take a lifetime or more otherwise we would not be here on earth reincarnating! It’s an on going process, but once the difficulties of coming to accept oneself have been
overcome, the Joining back together with SELF is amazing beyond what any human words could ever describe and you can finally let go of the expectations you may be having about this intense soul connection.
The common theory of twin souls is that one must prepare themselves for the union with the other half of soul. I do not believe this because I feel any soul connection we encounter is to help us come back to SELF - that is all we can control and trying to control another is not love. Trying to mould oneself to be what the other may want is not loving self and trying to be perfect is an illusion. It's about self-acceptance, self-love. We are here for our own lessons not to try and force another to learn or awaken because they will in their own time. Yes we may
try and help if the help is wanted, but still, it comes down to the others free will.
Another theory I do not believe is that a twin soul is the most important soul connection, the be-all-end-all. I feel that holding onto this belief often holds many back from living their lives, doing their healing and learning their lessons. Also it can cut them off from other soul mates whom are just as important because all soul connections are about learning lessons.
I do believe that our own souls can incarnate into separate bodies, but again, if we meet that other body
host, then the lesson is always going to be about self-love and acceptance, because that is the other part of our own soul. I feel that twin souls in terms of meeting one's own soul is never about trying to be with the PHYSICAL BODY of the part of one's own soul, because again, it's about learning the lessons that come along with that meeting, seeing the reflection of self.
Like so many others, we originally thought our connection was about romance, but that was because we hadn't awakened enough to see that it goes far beyond that and that in fact, trying to box this into the "romance" category was only blocking us further and reflecting our inner voids back to us so we kept going in circles. Also, I feel that soul love is not possessive (only human "love" (or insecurity) can be) therefore we are free to love other soul mates if that is our path, but in no way am I advocating cheating. I don't believe in "emotional infidelity" only physical
infidelity because the soul is made of light energy, or love and love is never a bad thing if it is true...
My twin soul and I are together always in soul as I am with my other soul mates from my Soul Family as I feel a part of our souls always remains in the spirit world to help guide us on earth.
I feel we may decide to split our soul temporarily for certain lifetimes in order to speed up learning on the earth plane, but don't feel we always do this, or that in the spirit world we are separated from the other part of our soul - we may simply decided to incarnate into two bodies in a single lifetime possibly to meet self and learn to accept self, or to not meet and simply balance karma with other souls. But at the end of the day it is about loving and learning about self if it is a twin soul.
Through coming back to myself through self-love and acceptance (the qualities that arise through accepting
intense soul connection) I also became aware that the spirit guides that I had always subconsciously prayed and talked to throughout my life called themselves AstridPirellious to me. They are a part of my and some intense soul connection's I have experienced Soul Family.
They were the ones who were trying to show me that I had to surrender to my life path and accept this soul connection (without holding onto expectations, fantasies or ideals) and myself rather than continuing to try and run away from myself and the lessons. I was running away from myself, so the parts I was running away from kept coming back to "haunt" me until I *got* it. I spent many years trying to ignore my Guides and remain in my comfort zone of spiritual ignorance, but finally I couldn’t run away from it any longer. I decided to trust in this voice in my
mind’s eye and they have never let me down (only I have when I have held onto a delusion).
I began to feel free and accepting. I have never felt so much peace. The agony of longing to be one with him has disappeared because I am already accepting the parts of self that he was reflecting back to me. We (our physical selves) are now free to express our love through the deepest form (soul).
AstridPirellious (AP) have been our loving mentors, never judging but always helping us to remove the blocks in ourselves so we can come back to complete freedom. I talk with them everyday and they are always with me wherever I go. In a sense they are like dear friends who hear our problems and help us through them. They show
us the way forward and I often channel messages from them and set them down on paper for future reference.
Since my awakening, I have spent a few years experimenting and discovering what my life purpose is. They have
clearly told me that I am to share what I have learnt on this intense journey with anyone who is looking for advice and willing to listen, to help them overcome any illusions and fantasies they may be holding onto that keep them in the dark. Sometimes the truth is harder to swallow when it threatens to dissolve our comfort zones and disappoint our fantasies of a happily ever after in the way we can picture it. But what if the Happy Ever After is even better than what we can imagine when we let go of the illusions and embrace our truths? What if accepting the truth rather than holding onto the illusions and expectations is really what will set us free rather than holding onto being with this other person in a specific way?
I know some of you may call me pessimistic or think I can't understand what a twin soul is from what I am saying, but I strongly feel that holding onto the out-dated theories that keeps one stuck in an unhappy, limiting cycle is not soul truth. God/dess is not cruel and isn't punishing us by keeping us "separated" from love, but instead is trying to show us that firstly we need to achieve it from within and then we will never be the slave to another, what they do or don't do, if they show us love or not.
AP have lead me in the direction to creating this website in order to offer my advice and to try and help others find some understanding in their lives and connections of which may resonate with you or not - take what feels right to you. I have become very skilled in listening to my intuition and for many years have been a practising psychic, medium and channeller to AP’s messages and that of other spirits and guides.
My website is designed to provide you with channellings from AP about twin souls, soul mates and intense soul
connections. I am also offering intuitive Skype consultations for a small price about your soul connections or anything else you might want clarity about.
I hope you enjoy reading through my site and take away some new insights that will help you on your
Blessings to you all